Thursday 10 September 2009

One month already.

Well, its been over a month since we got the keys to the house, and well, lets just day were still living out of boxes. We've officially been kiving here for just over a week and a half, and still nothing is done! And the reason for that is that im the only one that has been doing anything towards unpacking because my fiance has been at work 'constantly'. I put that in brackets because even on the days off he's had, he's not actually done much! I've done most of the unpacking and washing of clothes (because the clean got mixed up with the dirty when we moved and now were not sure whats what...) Thank goodness for a tumble drier...

On to other matters, well, work sucks as per normal for me. I'm still trying for my promotion, as much as i ask for my exam, im still not getting a chance to take it... The shifts have been so long winded recently, that im not getting enough sleep and its just getting a little too much for me. Things are starting to spiral out of control for me in all walks of life.

I have had a problem with depression before, which i did see a 'counciller' at college for, and i thought that i had got over everything, but recently, over the past few months, for some reason everything is starting to boil over again, I mean, yes, i have just bought my first house, i have a loving fiance, and i luckily have a secure job, but for some reason, thoughts are starting to creep back into my head.
I'm starting to feel vunerable to anyone that raises their voice at me, i don't like being alone, yet when im in a group i feel overwhelmed, i can't concentrate on anything to well (so far this has taken me 2 hours to write, which proves that point.), i just start crying randomly, i can't sleep, i dont wanna eat, im smoking more just for something to do (when i'm trying to quit), and i just feel like i, well, i can't describe it, but i feel like i worthless and, well you get the idea. I dont know if this is going to help me, writing all this down for people to see, even people i don't know, but well, we'll see won't we. God, i can't belive i just put all that there...
Hmm, well, i don't feel any better yet, maybe tomorrow...
Well, I better go, i gotta be up about 6 for work at 7, so speak soon, and hopefully it wont be as long before i write again...

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